Scientology, vol. 1

I'm partial to pretty, slightly-off celebrities like the Gyllenhaals or Cillian Murphy, which helps me to maintain my indie street cred. That's why I've always been defensive about my crush on Tom Cruise. Embarrassingly, I've been known to cite movie titles in his defense ("Interview with the Vampire! Minority Report! Magnolia!") and shrug off others ("He paid his dues with Top Gun so he could do Born on the Fourth of July.") Worst of all, I've resisted making cracks about Scientology and even weakly supported it ("He says it cured his dyslexia... whatever works, right?"). He's a blight on my antiestablishment record, and in light of recent events I'm feeling resentful.

It seems he's really off his nut. Dan suggests we ignore shtupping celebrities and carry on with our lives, but it's hard to do that when they're rubbing their dubious love affairs in our faces. And when our own lives are boring. Plus, TC apparently set up a Scientology tent on the War of the Worlds set to indoctrinate cast and crew.

At this point I should mention I've been to a church of Scientology.

My mom visited me in DC one hot weekend last semester. We were wandering Dupont Circle like a lost tribe of Israel when we came across a Scientology center. "Bookstore inside!" said a friendly sign, so we figured we'd pop in, browse in the air conditioning, and peace out.

But as soon as we entered, the receptionist insisted on calling someone to give us a tour. An Aryan poster boy materialized and convinced us to watch a video of L. Ron Hubbard lecturing. I wasn't paying attention, but I'm pretty sure he was saying something like, "Crazy crazy crazy." Anyway, I was too distracted by my reflection in the Aryan's big shiny teeth. My mom started interrogating him on the role of women in Scientology, which only momentarily threw him off, and then he said that "a lot of [his] superiors are women." (I don't presume familiarity with Scientologist hierarchy.)

HOWEVER. Once we managed to sneak out, two uniformed women passed us on their way in, and they were WEARING CHAINS. Yes, CHAINS that looped around their arms and shoulders as part of the uniform that is apparently standard gear for Scientologist chickies. My mom and I looked at each other and said at the same time, "Bondage??"

Therefore: TC probably has Katie strung up like a ham right now.
Also: I have another Scientology story, but I'll hold off for now. I know it's hard to amuse you all and I don't want to blow my load or anything.

-A